On who's shoulders shall I stand?
Who will balance their life on my shoulders....who is my legacy?
To whom shall I inspire to greatness?

It is my responsibility -- my charge, to direct my life in the greatest form possible. My story is no less then those who walked, crawled, struggled, cried, and rejoiced before me. My struggle is no less than the legends that have paved the way so that I too would experience greatness.

I realize now that I must continue to arise from this fight called life! A great figher is not one that is always deemed the winner, but the one who can continue to stand after being knocked down time and time again. A winner is one who knows help is just a prayer away.

Who is my legacy? Those who depend on me to teach. Those who depend on me to work. Those who depend on me to keep pushing forward. Those who depend on me for encouragement. I am not Oprah, or Cecily, or Maya, or Coretta, or Rosa, or Tyra, or Mary J., or Aretha, or Roberta, or Chaka, or Patti, or Leontine, or Della, or Shirley, or Alicia, or Yolanda, or Phlycia, or Hallie. I am Daquan and I am equally as great! I thank you all for helping me realize my abilities and talents.

Greatness sits in my heart and lives in my soul. It's time to move it in my words and actions--because I MUST. It's my God -given responsibility...

"...In all thy ways, HE shall direct my path."

From this day forward, my focus will be my legacy and my GREATNESS!

Peace,
Daquan

I'm closing the 2005 chapter in my life. I will WRITE 2006 myself instead of allowing it to happen.

As the year comes to a close, I refuse to reflect on what has happened in my life this past year. I'm setting aside all the "coulda, woulda, shouldas" and directing my focus towards my light.

My light, that shines inward, will forever shine outward from this day forth.
I have discovered that resolutions have no meaning unless you intend to carry them forth. My intention is to utilize the tools I've been given, whether by reading or self-discovery, and wear them as proudly. I will say NO to things (whatever and whomever) I don't deem necessary in my circle, and cling to the things and people that truely mean love to me.

I am a HERO--to me.
I will resolve myself to being the light in my own life. I am my own bright star and my committment to me is what matters. My inward beauty will reflect in my exterior beauty. As a result the following things will happen:

• Weight release
• Financial release
• Confidence/Risk Taking
• Trust
• Senerity
• and last but not least LOVE---ok Marti, you win!

In 2006, I will have the wisdom of Iyanla, the elegance if Beyonce, the business sense of both Oprah and Tyra, and the confidence of Mo'Nique. Added to my never ending faith in HIM--is an unbreakable Daquan.

Stand back 2006, cause baby, it's gonna be some shit!!!!

Into my own,

Daquan

Celebrating 40!

In my struggle to acknowledge this milestone in chronological years, I can't help but wonder why this moment--my moment, has become an inner conflict.

I've come to realize that in a perfect world, a woman reaching so called middle age should have "bragging rights". These rights bare accomplishments, accommodations, and accolades, and abundant life.

In my world---I have designed my consciousness to dance with the tune of society's mainstream mayhem. For years, I have aligned myself to the world's exterior. I now face the cold hard fact that my penalty could have been the loss of my soul.

With my new era comes change, reclamation, and rebirth.

• I promise to reclaim my soul and make it once again my own.
• I promise to give my soul a voice and voice what is in my soul---thanks India!
• I promise to forge and maintain a relationship with myself in order to give a loving "me" to another.
• I promise to dream.
• I promise to slow down and listen, sit still and be, and live for tomorrow instead of today.
• I promise to live fearlessly.
• I promise to be FREE!!

I will be able to design my own set of "bragging rights"---my promises kept in a mahogany box near my bed, are gentle steps I will will take to become the "me" I want to become....

LOOK OUT WORLD...HERE COMES 40!

I am,

Daquan

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back and maybe, we have to let go of who we WERE in order to become who we WILL be... Carrie Bradshaw "Sex And The City"

What if you are oblivious to who or what you will become?
What if fear of failure of some other unknown crippling force determines your value of self?

Allowing yourself to release hidden traits of the personality can be a painful and daunting task-----releasing aspects of your personality that prevent success or the spirit of goodness and fortune to enter your life is for the couragous.

This is what holds me back---these are a few of the forever hidden adjectives that prevent my ultimate success:

• low self esteem -- my constant struggle--I compensate so much of myself--I just wish I could see what others see.
• insecurity -- I've never been validated---I don't trust my own validation of ME.
• infidelitous -- my new word---it compensates for my struggle with commitment. **there, I said it**
• success phobia -- it's the general term that comes from feeling just "average" --no better, no worse--this spills into every aspect of my being---I hate it---I just can't get past it.
• un-organized -- in thoughts and in life. It prevents my normalcy.
• nervous -- I hold on to things---TIGHT--it calms me.

This is what keeps me from finding peace. This is what keeps me spinning. The world has to keep turning and so do I---despite my flaws. THIS IS WHO I AM---for now.

Who will I be as a result of all of this----

A SURVIVOR!!

Peace,

Daquan

Next....***a perverbial voice calls in the distance***
The line moves forward a step....

I'm just waiting for my turn...patient yet impatient...it doesn't matter, I still have to wait.
There are days, when I'm antsy. There are days when I'm calm. There are days when I'm frustrated. There are days when I'm impatient. Lately, there are days when I'm sad.

I still have no choice but to wait...for my turn. I've been in this line for what seems like decades---It seems like I'm being pushed towards the back of the line. I can't do anything about it because it's not my turn.

I built my self up to this breaking point. The point where I falsly rejoice for others while being envious at the same time. I just want my turn. Damn it---I just want my turn.

I want my turn at success.
I want my turn in love.
I want my turn in finances.
I want my turn at happiness.

I hope it comes soon...I'll be waiting.

Peace,
Daquan

Responsibility....

This word carries a lot of weight. You are responsible from the time you are a child, in one way or another until you die.

My question is---while we muddle through life's struggles and triumphs, where is it written that we must also take responsibility for someone's/anyone's emotional warfare? It's definitely not my responsibility to take on your shit. It is not desire to read your mind. When I don't feel like done' it your way---I should not be made to feel inadequate or that I'm not doing enough, quick enough.

It's not my responsibility to allow you to continue to feed me heaping doses of guilt, anger, and inadaquacies cleverly disguised as "suggestions". We tend to throw around words like love, respect, honor, and loyalty like frisbees. We use them like double edged swords when it's convenient.

I have been cut with all of them---I have been guilt ridden, bashed, embarrassed, belittled, and betrayed.

I'm not your bag lady----I never volunteered to carry your baggage.

Pick up your own shit---

Peace,
Daquan

I'm speechless...

Your ability to read my soul--discover the secrets, desires, and fantasies that I keep hidden from the world. My greatest fear is that some mis-understanding FOOL will reveal my hidden thoughts and feelings. I'm speechless, yet, overjoyed that YOU uncovered my so-called weaknesses. My weakness for YOU.

Sometimes, I feel out of control with my thoughts of YOU. It shouldn't be that way... No matter how much I try to control it--the more out of control I become.

Am I in love with you...yes
Does my world stop when you are next to me...yes
Do you love me for me...yes

I've never experienced a love so spiritual---YOU are the mate my soul seeks. Yet, YOU are the mate that is impossible for my soul to connect. It's unexplainable yes--impossible...no.

My heart is blocked to anyone who seeks entrance---it's a dangerous way to live considering the endless possibilities for a chance at happiness. My voice within tells me to continue to wait on the RIGHT connection.

Peace,
Daquan